Going Natural...

I've considered it before and have always chickened out.  I've never had to deal with the real texture of my hair before. By the point I took over my own haircare I was in my teens and my first relaxer was done when I was about nine...PCJ, which stands for Pressing Comb in a Jar, in case you didn't know (lol).  Before that, it was the real deal pressing comb so my mom could manage my naps enough to braid my hair.  The first time I considered going natural I was in college.  I'd had my hair in braids for quite some time and when I decided to take them out (because they were seriously on their last leg) I realized that I didn't have a perm, didn't have any money and had never done my own perm before! Cut to thoughts of me walking around campus with bald spots in my hair! Luckily, I had the smartitude to bring my mom's plug in hot comb with me that year so I pressed my own hair (with surprisingly good results) and did that for about a month or two until a dear friend of mine agreed to perm my hair for me. During that time period I was overwhelmed by the amount of work and time it took to deal with my naps. Mind you, this was in the very late 90's so there was no YouTube and no readily available, salon-free help for managing your own natural hair for the first time ever in your life (BTW, the only things I went to the salon for back then...and really now too, was for a trim. I did my own hair) so 90% of this first consideration was me pressing my hair every 3-4 days to keep the two textures looking similar. Needless to say, that didn't last long any many years have passed before I came to the point where I am today, to try it for real.

I've come to the conclusion that I have to do this for me.  Just like my repeated attempts at weight loss and my thoughts about home ownership, I can't wait for someone to do it with me or expect someone to hold my hand while I'm doing it.  I don't know why, but for some reason, that has always made a task seem daunting or overwhelming to me.  So I'm determined to do this, alone or not, and hopefully the determination in reference to this will transfer to some other things as well.

So, at this point, I haven't had a perm in 6 months. I've been transitioning with braids and thanks to many you tubers & bloggers I feel like I am on the right track.  I now know that whatever texture I'm seeing in my natural hair right now may not be the texture I end up with because, as my hair grows, the weight of it may change the curl pattern and how I take care of it will determine how my hair responds. I know I need to use more water (both to drink and to spritz) and I should moisturize while my hair is wet. Oh! And "BIG HAIR" is okay.  That's going to be a huge mental change for me as I've accumulated years of the "fried died and laid to the side" mentality.  The desire and determination to go natural, along with some life-changing events that will be shared later, is what actually inspired this blog.  In dealing with these things for the past few months I have realized that it isn't just about changes on the surface, but changes on the inside as well.  There are things that I desire for my life that I don't believe I can have until I come to terms with the real person that I am and don't allow what others think about me to dictate how I see myself or how I respond.  While I am very outspoken and very blunt 98% of the time, there are things that I often shy away from due to my own shame & lack of comfort with where I am in relation to them and I am coming to the realization that I need to come to terms with who I am, where I am and how I am because not doing so is a hindrance to me.  And it makes no sense for me to hold myself back.