Snip...Snip....OH SNAP!!!!

I BIG CHOPPED!!!!!!!!!

My initial intentions were to wait another month to do it and I just could not continue to fight with my hair any longer.  I transitioned for about 15 months and during that transition I took some time to really learn my hair and what I learned was this: I was having too much breakage the longer I transitioned. The first 12 to 13 months were pretty good, but the last two months, I could hear my processed ends breaking.  Even with me taking care to make sure I was handling my hair gently (I am very heavy handed and quite impatient) I was having more and more breakage. So after a few a weeks of mental preparation, I decided I needed to go ahead and make the jump from "transitioner" to "natural girl." So I called on my friend and natural stylist Kenyada via her business, http://www.alltressedup.net/ and told her I was ready to chop.

She was so excited for me. More excited than I was at the time. True, I had been treating my hair like it was natural for months, but those processed ends gave me length in spite of shrinkage. Remember, I was always the girl with short hair who wanted the long, thick beautiful hair that all my friends had.  But, the closer I got to the day of my appointment, the more I talked about doing my BC. I stopped saying it with uncertainty and trepidation that I really felt ("I might do my big chop" or "I'm supposed to do my BC soon") and began to say it with an assurance that made people, including myself, think I was ready to do the 'do.

My appointment was filled with a lot of exhaling. A lot of deep breathing. A lot of reflecting. A lot of healing conversation with my friend and stylist.  In the end, I walked out of there feeling emotionally lighter, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and 100% natural with a big smile on my face. I don't think I've ever smiled that much in my life over my own happiness. Being happy for others, sure, but not for me. I was so happy and smiling so hard that my cheeks were sore by the time I made it home.

I had so many congrats and well wishes from friends who were excited for me about my big chop! I definitely felt the love from my community of natural sisters. Now I'm excited to see what this change that feel in me is going to mean for my life.  I remember watching a Lenny Kravitz interview years ago (LOVE HIM!!) and in it, he recalled the day he decided to cut off his locs.  I don't remember all of the interview very well now, but what stuck with me is how he spoke of when his ex-wife (Lisa Bonet) cut his locs for him and he felt and saw them fall, he felt like he had an emotional and spiritual cleanse.  Like a weight had been lifted from his soul and I think he said he shed a tear or two, but don't quote me on that.  I remember thinking that it sounded like such a powerful experience and found it interesting that he got all of that from a hair cut.  But now, I kind of understand. Its the letting go of something that you had been holding on to for so long, in spite of how cumbersome or damaging it may have been. I had been hanging on to the desire for long, straight, pretty hair for so long (over 20 years) that, even after transitioning, I had such a hard time thinking about letting go of the processed hair that allowed me to hang on to that little bit of length that I had. Each time I saw "all that hair" fall away from my head, and every time I caught a glimpse of my developing 'fro in the mirror, I had these huge, audible, loaded exhales. But after letting it go I felt a little lighter and a little more free. I felt that I was ready to release a lot of things that had been laying on me for so long...along with some of my hair. I walked out of the shop feeling lighter, wide awake, free and ready to party for a few hours with my sore cheeks and happy squeals!

So, big chop...DONE!!!!

Now, its all natural!

Responses to Me Going Natural

For the past month I have been rocking my transitioning hair.  I have only used heat for stying once (BIG change!) and I have been wearing heat-free roller sets in variations for a solid month.  I was a little anxious about doing this because I didn't know how I was going to like it, much less how other people where going to like it. But its been a month and I have gotten great responses to my journey from friends and family. I know it shouldn't matter what other people think about me going natural or if they approve of my choice, but it does.  So I'm happy that people like my mom, my siblings and some of my close friends are supporting me and are liking what they see so far.  If they didn't like it, I'd still be doing it, don't get it twisted, but it does make the journey less stressful when those you care about are supportive of what you are doing.  Even my mom said it was making her think a little more about my decision after she trimmed my ends for me and saw the result of my flat ironed hair.

Then, this past weekend I went to visit some of my family who haven't seen me in transitioning state and they all gave me rave reviews and the consensus is that I look younger....PLUS! So, once again, I'm going to try doing a twist out with the edges curled and I'll see how this goes. If it is a fail...I'll be rocking another roller set. At least I know that style works and works well

So, thanks to http://www.glorycrown.blogspot.com/ and her bringing back the "Take Back Your Hair Challenge" I am doing something I didn't think I could do...styling my hair, heat-free and treating my hair well. I can honestly say that I'm taking good care of my hair, the naps and the processed ends and as a result of that, it looks damn good!

Yay me!!!

O-Kay, I'm doing it!

Kinky twists are out! I am now rocking my hair. I had planned to participate in the Take Back Your Hair Challenge that Protecting Your Crown & Glory initiated at the beginning of this month but after seeing some of the limitations of having my hair out, I don't know if I will be able to. Issue number one: During the course of the three month challenge I would only be able to use direct heat (blow dryers, flat irons, curlers) twice! The problem: My flat ironed hair looks amazing thanks to my 9 months (today) of newgrowth.  Truth be told, there are two styles that are garanteed to work on this transitioning head of mine: flat ironed & bumped or a rollerset. Twistouts look a hot mess, braid outs look as bad as the twist outs. I have not tried a bantu knot out yet but that has more to do with lack of technique on my end than not.

Still, why is it an issue that I can only do heat styling twice? Well, I'm trying to incorporate exercise (Lord knows I need it) back into my lifestyle, and one of the things that I have heard repeatedly is that it is best to rinse the sweat out of my hair after working out. So, I flat iron my hair then work out, which means I sweat (hello some curls). Then, I rinse my hair to rid it of the salty sweat (hello all curls). Then I have to either rollerset and wait for my hair to dry, or towel dry and flat iron...guess what's going to win, lol.

Now I know that flat ironing/heat styling my hair daily is not a good thing, and I wouldn't have to necessarily do it daily, but certainly more than 2x in 3 months. I could even do 2x a mo, which is an EXTREME change for my usual routine, and I think that would be the best alternative for me, to work my way down from heat styling gently as opposed to cold turkey...a 60 day recovery program, lol.

But, to bring this to a close, I do love the way my hair looks and feels now that I am transitioning. I love the texture that my curls have.
I know that is subject to change as time goes on and as I trim/chop my processed hair. But I and enjoying what I have and taking the steps to continue enjoying it. I feel confident that I will be able to keep myself going on this journey and keep a positive head. I know that it may not necessarily get easier and that is OK. As healthy as my hair looks and feels right now, it is oh so worth it to see what its going to be when I am brave enough to do the big chop.


Oh, get this! My processed hair is a lighter shade of brown than my natural hair! I've NEVER colored my hair in my life! I've always been scared it would break off from the chemical process. I don't know if I'll ever do it, but for how, my hair is colorful! lol

So, until next time!  Be blessed!

Sometimes Its Just Me

So, I'm going natural. I began this journey with two friends. Three chicks on a mission. A couple of months later, there were two.  Now, six months later there is me.  I'm not upset about it.  I kind of saw it coming.  After all, I decided to go natural because I thought that was the best option for my hair since it was breaking off so badly and the only part of it that was strong enough to withstand the breakage was the unprocessed hair.  They didn't have that problem.  They decided to try going natural to support me, but this whole thing has had me thinking today.

Why has it been so difficult for me (and I'm sure I'm not the only one) to deal with doing and facing things by myself?  I've tried many endeavors with friends and groups of people and I wasn't any more successful in them than I may have been if I'd done them on my own.  For years I've tried to do things with a buddy.  I've tried to wait for someone to do things with, I've tried to include someone in things and activities that I wanted to do but for one reason or another didn't want to do alone.  Now I'm reaching the point where that is changing.

What has prompted the change? I really think it has everything to do with the death of a very dear and exceptional friend this past October.  While he was about 30 years older than I, I have yet to meet a man in my adult life, build a relationship meant to be completely platonic and have so much in common with that person and be on the same wavelength with that person.  I mean, for real, we may have shared a brain.  I could talk to him about the serious things that I would have maybe spoken to my father about if we had a better relationship and the stupid, frivolous things that I would talk about with friends of my age.  We could have serious conversations and crack some of the most vulgar and gross jokes with each other and laugh at each other until we were sore.  He was the person in my life who was a father, friend, and counselor all at once.  Anyway, because I could gush about him for a looong time, let me move on.  One of the things he used to tell me a lot is that I didn't have to wait for someone else to go after my goal.  I didn't have to wait and see if I got a teaching gig to go and get my masters. I didn't have to wait until I was married to buy a house. I didn't have to wait until I was married to have kids, if I didn't want to and "the only person who has to deal with the outcome of [all those situations] is you. So if you want it, go for it! Those of us who love you got ya back."

I've spent a lot of time thinking about our talks and I realize that sometimes, its just me. Sometimes its just going to me that reaches the goals I want to reach.  Sometimes I can't do what I want to do with a group.  Sometimes, going in alone means finding out that I had the ability to do it, for myself and by myself, all along.  That's what I think my real problem may be. I don't know if I can do it alone an succeed.  And everything in me wishes I could be having this conversation with in right now instead of on this blog, but I can't.  But I thank God for the faith that my friend had in me and for the power he tried to instill in me.  I wish I had grabbed hold of that power while he was still here so he could have seen the fruits of his labor, but this is really the first time that the death of someone I treasured has served as the springboard for the possibility of something great for me. And this is the first time I'm not trying to shy away from it.  So, its just me going natural.  Its just me preparing for home ownership.  The other things will come in time...whether its just me or not.