My Transition Lessons: Patience Is Key

This is the final installment of my transition lesson series, and I cannot tell you how important it was for me to learn this while I was transitioning.  

This was the key: I could not make my hair grow any faster than it was going to grow. 

This was/is the problem: I am not the most patient person.  I have a reputation for being extremely impatient. I’m REALLY good at being impatient. 

So what I had to do was find ways to entertain myself so that I wasn’t always thinking about my hair because the fact of the matter is, as I have stated before, you hair isn’t going to grow faster just because you want it to and there is no product that can make your hair grow any faster than its going to grow. So no matter what you do, your growth is going to pretty much be the same from month to month. So you have to do things to take your focus off your hair length.  Experiment with styles. I went through a period where I was doing a different style every week or two depending on when I washed my hair. My go-to style was a roller set but I played around a lot & that is what helped the 15 months of transitioning fly by.  Before I knew it, my hair was saying “I need to be chopped woman!”

Also, keep in mind that, while you're using the resources available to you, that a lot of the videos you will find that have a lot of views or sites you will find that have a lot of feedback, show people who have been natural for a long time. So their hair may be longer than yours.  Even if you look at someones video or blog post that was done when they were pretty much at the same point that you are, how their hair grows would be different than yours. I don't know about other people, but I had to keep reminding myself that the folks I was watching had been natural for over a year, or had been transitioning for many months when they recorded the video I may have been watching at the time. Add to that the fact that their hair is not mine, how they treat their hair would be different from how I treated mine & a plethora or other variables were in place that would affect how their hair grew in relationship to mine. So I had to make myself focus more on the information than the length of their hair. It took some time to get there, but once I got there, I was good to go.

So be patient. And remember that the only way to quickly get through the transitioning process is to big chop. So if you're not ready for that, pump your breaks, slow your roll, chill out...you get the picture.

Happy transitioning!!!

TTFN!!!

My Transition Lessons: Use the Resources Available to You

I cannot stress this enough.  In today’s world of technology, there is absolutely no reason for someone to do anything without having some additional information to help them in their journey.  Yes you can talk to friends and professionals, but good grief! With Google & YouTube…there is so much information at your fingertips!  All you have to do is search for it, and take the time to look through it. To make your journey your own, you really should research by getting multiple opinions and ideas so you can filter what you want to take, and what you don't think will work for you.  And depending on where you are on your journey will determine what/who does & doesn't work for you.

I have found folks on YouTube and at the beginning of my journey, they were either TMI, or just not what I was looking for. Now, I subscribe to just about all of the ones that I once thought were TMI. As I have continued on my journey I have found more bloggers & vloggers who seem to have hair textures closer to mine, whereas, when I was transitioning, I didn't what the heck my texture was going to look like, so I couldn't figure out who or what to look for, so I looked for those who had good information presented in a concise manner & that's what I went with. But now, almost a year after my BC, I have found blogs, vlogs, books, websites and communities full of natural hair insight and information simply by searching Google and YouTube. You can get all the information you could ever want through a computer, smart phone or tablet.

Don’t be unaware when you don’t have to be. And that's with anything. Not just your hair journey.

My Transition Lessons: Heat Isn’t Necessary

This was and is a major lesson for me.  When I was relaxed I was a heat MANIAC!  Flat irons, curlers, bumpers, different sizes, different heat abilities, auto shut off for the days I had to run out in a hurry, 60-second heat ups for the days when I needed a quick fix…you name it, I had it.  Two blow dryers, one ceramic, one…not (that one broke) and a hooded dryer.  All for lil ole me!    I used to use enough heat on my hair to cook breakfast and dinner on Easter Sunday!

Needless to say, the first thing I thought I was going to do when I stopped getting my hair braided during my transition was flat iron my hair so that my roots and my processed ends matched.  That’s the easiest thing to do, after all, right?

Well, here’s the reality of what happened.  My last perm was June 15, 2010. I had my hair braided/twisted repeatedly from July 2010 until March 2011. I flat ironed my hair in March 2011 so that my mom could do a trim for me, and again in May 2011 so I could have a nice length check and straight hair for my birthday. Then I did Protecting Your Crown & Glory's Take Back Your Hair Challenge & as a result of actually learning to deal with my transitioning hair textures, then doing my BC, I have refrained from doing any heat styling since May 13, 2011. That’s over a year! I have only applied heat to my hair by way of the hooded dryer about every week for my DC.  There were a couple of months when I was working with All Tressed Up and I would have to sit under the dryer for the setting of some of the styles, but that was still only once every 2-3 weeks.

Who would’ve thunk that I could do that?! I surely didn’t. But what I did for the remainder of my transition were roller sets, twist-outs and up-dos that required no heat at all. Truth be told, while I would like to see how much my hair has grown by pulling out the flat iron, I really don’t have the desire to put heat on my hair for styling purposes, so I'll have to continue doing the hair pull down with my fingers.

Now I have all these styling tools sitting latent in my closet.

Now, if you can't tell, that's 8 curlers, 2 flat irons, an electric straitening comb and a set of heated rollers. Then there are the heat protectants I bought of which I've only used 1 of the twice. I'm not getting rid of them because, who knows, in another year, I may follow through on a desire to straighten my hair again, but for now...say hello to the dust collectors everybody!

I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t use heat styling while transitioning.  Correction, you really shouldn't. For the health of your hair, but, if you are properly protecting your hair and not burning or melting it, I don’t think its that much of a bad thing depending on how often you use them.  I would suggest going heat free for a while just to see how you handle your hair and how your hair responds. For me, once I discovered that heat-free styling worked and worked well, I ran with it and I am in no hurry to to go back! I have even made plans to straighten my hair over the past year and every time I go to even blow dry my hair and say..Naaaahhhh! I don't need it.

My Transition Lessons: You don’t need to spend a lot on products

One of the constant things heard from people who were transitioning, or even fully natural, both on FB & on YouTube was that they were “going broke” while going natural.  They were buying products for natural hair and in the midst of that, learning how expensive natural hair products can be.  I will admit, there are some products for natural hair that are quite pricey and can put a major dent in your wallet, but you don’t have to buy them.

I started my journey using the products I had already in my hair closet. I didn’t buy a new product until about 9 or 10 months into my transitioning journey.  Here’s the major obstacle to overcome when thinking about buying hair products:

a.       Products do not grow your hair.

There is no magic product you can buy that will make your hair grow any faster than its going to grow

b.      Products can affect your journey.

There are products that you can use that can help you retain length and prevent breakage. Ultimately, though, how your handle your hair will determine how well your hair responds to transitioning and detangling while transitioning.

c.       Just because it says its for natural hair doesn’t mean its for YOUR natural hair.

Don’t succumb to buying expensive products just because they say they are for natural hair.  That is not a guarantee that it will work for your hair or that your hair will like the product at all (see my post on the Miss Jessie’s line).

So my biggest piece of advice based on my own journey is to begin where you are.  Start with products you already own.  See how they work, THEN branch out, if needed, based on how your hair responds.

My Transition Lessons: My Journey is MINE & No One Else’s

A while back I said to myself that I would do a little series about what I learned while I was transitioning to natural hair. I didn't follow through on it at the time because I was super busy. However, in a few months it will be my 1 year nappiversary so I figured that I needed to stop procrastinating and do the doggone thing. So here it begins.

A surprising thing I encountered while transitioning was how much people were willing to give their opinion of what I should and shouldn’t do based on their journey.  I’m not talking about offering advice or insight into what I would encounter while transitioning, or how to deal with this or that obstacle.  I mean straight up, flat out telling me I should do this or shouldn’t do that.

The main thing people were against was my decision to transition over a long period of time. There were folks who all but berated me for opting to “deal with the pain of transitioning” instead of going with a TWA & doing my big chop immediately.  Even after me stating that I didn’t want a TWA, the response was “its just hair! It’ll grow.” Well, if it was “just hair” why are you so invested in trying to sway me from my course of action??? LOL.

So what I had to do was tell people that MY decision of how I was going to transition was just that…MY decision. And if MY decision was to transition for 1 month, 5 months or 24 months, it was MY decision to make.  And if they didn’t agree with MY decision, that was their choice, and the easiest way to get beyond it was to get over MY decision.

I say all that to say that when you choose to do anything, how you do it is totally up to you. As a friend of my mom says, as long as it’s not immoral, unethical or illegal…have at it.

Your life, your journey, your choice.

Snip...Snip....OH SNAP!!!!

I BIG CHOPPED!!!!!!!!!

My initial intentions were to wait another month to do it and I just could not continue to fight with my hair any longer.  I transitioned for about 15 months and during that transition I took some time to really learn my hair and what I learned was this: I was having too much breakage the longer I transitioned. The first 12 to 13 months were pretty good, but the last two months, I could hear my processed ends breaking.  Even with me taking care to make sure I was handling my hair gently (I am very heavy handed and quite impatient) I was having more and more breakage. So after a few a weeks of mental preparation, I decided I needed to go ahead and make the jump from "transitioner" to "natural girl." So I called on my friend and natural stylist Kenyada via her business, http://www.alltressedup.net/ and told her I was ready to chop.

She was so excited for me. More excited than I was at the time. True, I had been treating my hair like it was natural for months, but those processed ends gave me length in spite of shrinkage. Remember, I was always the girl with short hair who wanted the long, thick beautiful hair that all my friends had.  But, the closer I got to the day of my appointment, the more I talked about doing my BC. I stopped saying it with uncertainty and trepidation that I really felt ("I might do my big chop" or "I'm supposed to do my BC soon") and began to say it with an assurance that made people, including myself, think I was ready to do the 'do.

My appointment was filled with a lot of exhaling. A lot of deep breathing. A lot of reflecting. A lot of healing conversation with my friend and stylist.  In the end, I walked out of there feeling emotionally lighter, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and 100% natural with a big smile on my face. I don't think I've ever smiled that much in my life over my own happiness. Being happy for others, sure, but not for me. I was so happy and smiling so hard that my cheeks were sore by the time I made it home.

I had so many congrats and well wishes from friends who were excited for me about my big chop! I definitely felt the love from my community of natural sisters. Now I'm excited to see what this change that feel in me is going to mean for my life.  I remember watching a Lenny Kravitz interview years ago (LOVE HIM!!) and in it, he recalled the day he decided to cut off his locs.  I don't remember all of the interview very well now, but what stuck with me is how he spoke of when his ex-wife (Lisa Bonet) cut his locs for him and he felt and saw them fall, he felt like he had an emotional and spiritual cleanse.  Like a weight had been lifted from his soul and I think he said he shed a tear or two, but don't quote me on that.  I remember thinking that it sounded like such a powerful experience and found it interesting that he got all of that from a hair cut.  But now, I kind of understand. Its the letting go of something that you had been holding on to for so long, in spite of how cumbersome or damaging it may have been. I had been hanging on to the desire for long, straight, pretty hair for so long (over 20 years) that, even after transitioning, I had such a hard time thinking about letting go of the processed hair that allowed me to hang on to that little bit of length that I had. Each time I saw "all that hair" fall away from my head, and every time I caught a glimpse of my developing 'fro in the mirror, I had these huge, audible, loaded exhales. But after letting it go I felt a little lighter and a little more free. I felt that I was ready to release a lot of things that had been laying on me for so long...along with some of my hair. I walked out of the shop feeling lighter, wide awake, free and ready to party for a few hours with my sore cheeks and happy squeals!

So, big chop...DONE!!!!

Now, its all natural!

Making It Work

This week has been a big ball of stress. Well manages stress, but stress nonetheless.

It started with that heifer Hurricane Irene that knocked out my power as I was prepping appetizers for a birthday dinner for a friend. Irene also knocked out my cable and internet and, 7 days later, I am still without it. So for the past week, I have had to drive in to work as opposed to being working at home as normal.  While I have power and finally have my phones back, the lack of internet and TV is bugging the mess out of me!!!  I’m not one of those people who is unaware of how much I depend on my TV. I am aware of how much TV I watch and I know why I do it, so I am exceptionally peeved that I have not been able to relax after work and watch TV for a couple of hours for the last 7 days. Add to that having to drive into work for the past 5 days. Gas-traffic-pedestrians-oh my! And while I miss the people I worked with in the office, I do not miss the office environment at all.

Anyway, I could continue to vent about that situation but that is not the focus of this post for today. Today’s post is about making it work. “It” being my hair this week. So, on to that: The benefit of working at home is that I have not had to put my hands in my hair daily & had plenty of time for trials and plenty of time to correct any errors I've made in execution of styles. Thank goodness because I needed those experiences to lean on for this week. I have also come to the conclusion that I have been doing a lot of protective styling on my hair and, hello, its summer! This is the time of year I can wear my ends out without risking much damage to them. So, my choice of style for this week has been a variation of a flat twist-out.

What I did was an off center part and had 3 somewhat chunky flat twists going to the left on the left side of my head, two going to the back on the right front side of my head and four flat twists going down across the back of my head, leaving the crown out. At the crown of my head I had from 8-10 two strand twists. This was the result:

Here’s the view from the back.  Okay, can I take a minute and marvel at the difference in color between my processed ends and my natural hair!!! That’s going to be just a memory in a little while. Excuse the fuzzitude of the hair. This pic was taken today...day 6 of this style.

So, my goal for this week was to make my hair work, no matter what happened. The first few days were okay because the products in my hair were new/fresh, it had been freshly washed and hadn't been messed with too much. Days 4 and 5 were a little bit of a challenge because some of the ends were fuzzy (see the pic from the back taken at the end of the workday on day 6). To maintain it from day to day I put a little water in my hair from my trusty spray bottle, then retwisted the hair each night and rolled the twists on cold wave/perm rods. In the middle of the week I added a little more foam wrap to help the processed ends continue to follow the directions of the rods. Making the hair work was a success! I'm happy with the results and I received so many compliments from coworkers and friends about how healthy and nice my hair looked.

Products used for this style: Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie, Jane Carter Wrap and Roll, African Pride (I think) Nature's Shine Oil (used daily on hands while untwisting), Water and light EVOO (for retwisting at night).

I made sure after applying the Shea Moisture that it was fully distributed into the hair and showing no white residue before applying the Wrap and Roll. If you don't do that, the white color of the product will not fade and will be held in your hair by the Wrap and Roll. The result was the best flat twist out I have ever had, with both moisture and hold in the hair and I was able to separate the sections for the two strand twists without losing the crinkle of the natural hair and without frizzing the processed ends. Definitely will be used again...especially if I still don't have internet next week and have to venture back into the main office. *gag me*

I will try to post a pic of the pre-bed hair so you can see what I did at night.

Peace!

Three Hundred Sixty Six!!!!!!

OM Goodness I can't believe I let the day pass me by!!! Yesterday marked a year that I have been transitioning to natural hair!!! I am so glad that I made it to a year and I haven't really had any setbacks and I have had no regrets about choosing to embark on this journey. It has been so wonderful and full of so much more support and positivity than I ever expected.

As a result of making it this far, I am more confident in my decision to go natural. I'm no longer scared of my natural texture. I have learned how to handle my natural hair, and, while I have only had my hair out of a braid-type style for 4 1/2 months, I feel that I have conquered what I have allowed to defeat me for years. This past week I had a friend, who has recently decided to transition, look at me like I was crazy when I told her I really only comb my hair once to twice a week...when I shampoo and when I co wash. I had to laugh because I remember looking the same way and thinking the same thing the first time I heard it. the only thing I could think was that, as time goes on, and she has more natural hair on her head, her mind will change.

I have been blessed to experience extremely little breakage from what I can tell. When I took out my final batch of kinky twists in March I had my mom both trim and even up my hair a little bit and to do that she had to cut just over an inch or less all over my head. So the processed hair I have is still in good condition and its much further from my scalp today!  I'm still not at the point where I'm ready to chop. I know I have to get there, but I'm not there yet. I will probably end up forcing my own hand in the long run, but I'm not going to do that now. I don't get the itches and fidgety when I think about it as much as I used to, though.....That's what we call improvement!

So anyway, that's it for today's post. I've been thinking about doing some different things with my blog that would lead to more frequent posts, which is a good thing. We'll see how this brainstorming goes. When it happens, you'll know!

Be blessed folks!